F for Forgiveness!

We would have often heard the word forgiveness in many places. It is an easy word to spell, difficult to follow, creates bliss when applied. In our life, we come across people who pour their anger on us, betray us, leave us alone, speak ill about us, backstab us and so on. It is tough to erase the negative impact created. The wrong deeds of others settle like wounds in our mind. Forgiveness helps to heal a hurting heart. It makes you move on from the past and live a fresh life.

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What Is Forgiveness?

 Forgiveness is an act of moving on from the past action of someone who has hurt you. When someone hurts us, we try to give it back twice. We often don’t think of the consequences and act with haste. Forgiveness lets you relax, understand the root cause of the situation, and move on from it.

Forgiveness comes as a result of compassion. Compassion comes when we understand the root cause of a person’s behaviour. Forgiveness helps to restore broken relationships, rebound with friends, altogether accept people the way they are. However, forgiveness should not be confused with condoning.

Condoning is accepting an offensive act. One can forgive a person who has done wrong to us but should not condone a criminal as it makes them do the wrong further.

Types Of Forgiveness

1.Unconditional Forgiveness

Unconditional forgiveness is an act of forgiving the person who created the hurt, forgetting the situation and moving on towards a better life together. Unconditional forgiveness happens where the relationship holds a supreme place than anything. It has the power to mend a broken relationship.

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2.Conditional Forgiveness

Conditional forgiveness is an act of forgiving the person with doubt on their future actions. The person who has caused the hurt would be tested for their loyalty often. However, if one proves to realise their mistake, then the relationship may regain its lost glory.

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3.Dismissive Forgiveness

Dismissive forgiveness is about a person moving on from any person or situation that has caused damage to their mental peace. The forgiver draws a permanent boundary to the person who hurt and won’t allow them in their life afterwards. Dismissive forgiveness focuses more on the forgiver’s self-development.

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4.Surrendering to divine

Offering apology that reaches the divine light is also a form of forgiveness. You consider yourself as a sinner and seek forgiveness from the divine.  You let the divine energy flow in you and forgive you for your known and unknown mistakes. A divine apology helps you understand that everyone makes mistakes and need a chance to forgive themselves.

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5.Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is an act of apologising for your own mistakes with yourself. Sometimes your actions get you into trouble. The action may be anger, procrastination, jealousy, and so on.  When you forgive yourself, you forgive a part of yourself that created trouble and move on as a new person.

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Is Forgiveness Difficult?

When someone commits wrong to us, it is natural that we try to take revenge or hurt them back. Forgiving is a step forward to revenge. People often think forgiving is difficult and won’t easily come.

One needs to understand that revenge is difficult as you have to spend a huge amount of time to plot against the person who has hurt you. You give more power to the person who hurt you than yourself. You isolate yourself and lose your time to something that has no value in your life.

Unlike revenge, forgiveness helps you spend more time on improving yourself, and the way you react to hurt. Forgiveness improves your mental health by reducing stress. It also helps lower blood pressure, heart diseases and also improves your sleeping time. Forgiveness improves your social behaviour increasing your involvement in volunteering and altruistic activities. Thus, shaping you into a better human being.

Learning how to forgive is necessary as it helps you improve your lifestyle and well-being.

How To Forgive?

Your progress towards positivity begins once you have decided to forgive.  You will have to remember that you cannot move mountains in a day. Likewise cultivating forgiveness takes time. Let us see some methods that help to know how to forgive.

Communicate Your Feelings

When someone hurts us, we hold the hurt feelings inside us and won’t expose them. When we do so, the built-up feelings develop as a grudge which is not good for our mind.

  • If you find the relationship to be a valuable one, you can take a step forward and communicate your feelings to them.
  • You can explain that their actions have hurt you, and seek an explanation. Thus, you can save your relationship and also ease your mind.
  • On the other side, if you feel that this relationship is not worth a try, or the situation may worsen by communicating, it is better to write a letter, assume that you have communicated, and burn/tear the letter. You have to determine that you will move on and not think about it afterwards.

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Make A Note Of Your Gains

Every situation will have a positive message which you must make a note.

  • Interpret the events from the root, in your mind. Analyzing gives clarity towards the situation.
  • Take a notebook and write down the lessons you learnt from the situation. Consider each point you write as a profit you have achieved.
  • Also, write down the points you have to improve from next time.

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Speak To A Trustworthy Person

Speaking about your hurt to someone you trust also helps you deal with it.

  • When you speak out, you throw away the emotions blocking your peace of mind.
  • You can feel that long term hurt has finally left your mind.
  • You will start accepting the situation as it is.
  • You will start preparing yourself to move on from the situation.

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Mindfulness Meditation

Moving on is an important step in forgiveness. Learning your thought process plays a major role in knowing your state of mind.

  • Mindfulness meditation helps you understand your mind’s pattern.
  • By practising mindfulness meditation, you will get the ability to judge a situation while it happens.
  • Mindfulness meditation also decreases anxiety associated with stress. It paves the way to deeper relaxation.

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Practise Empathy

When we get hurt, we usually think about ourselves. We can’t understand why the person has hurt us or what caused them to hurt us.  Empathy is part of forgiveness. When we are empathetic, it is easy for us to understand the person better.

  • You can practise empathy in your daily life.
  • Try to interact with more people in a day and understand their lifestyle.
  • You will get to know how life differs between each person, how much struggle an individual face in a society and so on.
  • You will understand the character patterns in a person and how they react to any situation.

Practising empathy develops compassion and tolerance in your mind.

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When you start practising forgiveness, you will realise that you give more power and priority to yourself. It increases compassion that makes you do good to people around you, thus making them happy. Forgiveness helps you realise your inner strengths and develops your personality.  You will realise that your life brightening up as forgiveness adds sunshine to your life.

 

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